Image By: anathea


Every time I sit down to write something instructive, constructive or even remotely rational on the subject of divorce, I find myself considering more productive areas I could be writing about.  For example, an article on the afterlife titled “Now That You’re Dead: Ten Things You Didn’t Know You Could Bring With You, But Did.”  Actually there are a number of articles that could be written on the subject of being recently dead, like “Is there sex after death?  The twelve wicked secrets for making the afterlife more satisfying then you imagined;” or “Have you put enough money aside to die? Why seven out of ten people can’t afford to.”

These musings might strike you as perverse, absurd and obscene.  But they are no worse than what I have to stare at when I am buying groceries; pre-teen television icons stare from the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine next to the caption “Your Best Orgasm EVER!” and next to that is a retirement magazine with a former teen idol in their seventies next to the very same caption.   The experience of seeing those two magazines together inspired me to write a short story titled “The Picture of Daria Gray”; both cover girls were wearing the same dress.

Death and divorce share much in common.  There is very little I could tell you that you would believe and there is a great deal you believe you already know, which is frankly incorrect, unfair and downright dangerous.  How the pre-teen cover girl and her great grandmother get us to this point I do not pretend to understand accept that they seem to tie into the issue of the continuity of illusions and the illusion of continuity.  Which brings me to the first thoughts and questions that occur to most people who find they are in a Divorce.

“What the Hell Happened?” “What Was I thinking?”  “What Did I Do Wrong?”  “Can I Fix this?” “What is wrong with me?”  And so forth.   There is also a general sense of time distortion during a divorce, but more on that later.

The answer to every one of these questions is unique, personal and very rarely comforting.   In principle they can be answered in the following manner “You got Married and it ended.” “You were thinking it would work out.”  “Don’t know, doesn’t really matter at this point.”  “No.”  and “Probably not much more than is wrong with the other 7 billion people one the planet at the moment.”  Factual? Yes. Reassuring?  No.

If this is the most that can be said about Divorce why bother?   Because Divorce is an event, it is not a state of being.   While form after form will force you to circle, check or underline “Divorce” as a status of relationship until there is a stack of papers that could encircle the planet twice stating that you are “Divorced” you must remember Divorced is not who you are it is what your Marriage ended in.  When you start to accept that, then you can start to come to terms with a very unpleasant fact in a very positive way.  The unpleasant fact is that in most cases there was a DAMN GOOD REASON for a divorce.  In the best cases a divorce was necessary so that you could remain friends.  In worse cases it was so that the two of you could stop the mutual rage and resentment that became a staple of your daily life.   At the extreme edge we have “So you didn’t get killed”, “So you didn’t kill”, or “To protect the lives of the kids (or other family members).”

No matter how it ended or why it ended, it is over.  Which is part of the long, hard and often dark period that follows.  But I believe, if you can accept the premise that it was for a DAMN GOOD REASON, and accept that you are going to be in a great deal of real pain for what seems like a long time, you will reach a point where it does get better.

So, while I won’t venture a tag line like “Divorced: Your Best Orgasm Ever” or “Twelve things to Bring with you to Your Divorce,” I will offer you this one, “Happily Divorced: What you need to learn and know to accept and let go.”

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Text Copyright 2012 Cusper Lynn


Text Copyright 2012 Hellbent Press


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